[Texgreen] President Bush's blog

[Roger Baker]

[Craddick won, BTW  ;^(    -- Roger ]


http://presidentbushsblog.blogspot.com/

Hello my fellow Americans.

I am very busy today working on the speech where I am going to tell
America why it needs to sends more troops to Iraq. The question used to
be why we went there in the first place, and I am happy that we don't
talk about that anymore because its was so long ago and doesn't really
matter anymore.

You see, it's like this - Saddam Hussien was an a-hole. He tried to
kill my daddy. And he had made all these big time oil contracts with
the French and the Soviets ummmm- the Russians! These contracts weren't
with American companies, and when the Terrists who run the UN finally
decided that the sanctions should be lifted on Iraqi oil exports, it
was all going to go to Total and Gasprom for resale in Europe, India,
and China and Africa, and none of it was going to go to my buddies over
at Exxon and Chevron.

And we couldn't have THAT - it would really undermine the Republican
Party and cheap gas for cars like the Hummer. So, to get the Frogs and
Rooskies out of Iraq, we had to take out Iraq from that equation. Ya
see, the original plan that my Daddy cooked up and Clinton worked with
was that we'd keep a foot on the neck of Hussein and a clamp down on
Iraqi oil production. Because as we all know, oil is one of them
non-renewable types of resources. So as long as we keep the Iraqi oil
in the ground, we've got oil for the future. Once it's gone, it's
really really gone. Like, forever or a really long time.

Well, early in my admin, I wanted to take Saddam out because he's an
a-hole and tried to kill my daddy. But that wasn't enough. Then a bunch
of energy experts came over to my place and had a sit down with Cheney.
and they all told him that Kuwait's biggest field was about to go into
decline, and that the Saudis were pumping something like 30% seawater
out of their biggest field. So, it was clear we needed to turn on the
Iraqi oil tap and route it to the USA.

Now, we needed this done fast, and on the cheap. Rummy said it was no
problem. We'd walk over the Iraqis in a week or three. And we were told
by our most trusted sources they would see us as liberators and
everything would be hunkydory. Things didn't quite turn out that way -
and the main mission is still before us. The oil is still in the ground
and we gotta make sure we go there and get it.

Some critics say that losing Iraqi oil will scuttle the American War
Machine. That isn't true, but it will put a great big dent in American
Economic prosperity. I know how to chop wood. Most Americans don't.

Now, trying to tell the American Public anything is hard enough, so
rather than level with them about all of that stuff - and it is pretty
complicated - makes me kinda dizzy thinkin about it all - we had to
tell everyone we were going in for more immediate and scary reasons. So
we cooked up all that bullshit about bombs and WMD and nuculer weapons
and stuff, and tossed it out to the Mainstream Press. Heck - everyone
was so freaked out about 9/11 - even I was freaked out about 9/11 -
that it didn't take much for everyone to buy into it hook, line, and
sinker. Once we were there, it didn't matter. We were there, and we
have our boots on top of the oil.

And we are there. But we can't get the oil until we get a coherent
government in Iraq to go out and kick some terrist ass and get the
pumps working. So that's why we need more troops in Iraq. Once we get
Baghdad settled, we can then set about developing the Iraqi oil sites.
The Kurds are cool - they don't give a shit about the rest of Iraq.
They've got plenty of oil up near Kirkuk. And the Shiites - they've got
huge reserves. It's just them Sunni bastards that are holding out on
us. Once the government is settled in and can control Baghdad, the rest
will follow and we can focus on the ayatollah assaholas in Iran. They
are in the Axis of evil, and they are evil Evil EVIL!!!!

Well, got get back to testing my speechifying. I got me a really good
speech. It's total crap, but it'll get the point across. And ya know
what? I think the Democrats, once they see that the so-called "America
War Machine's" very survival is at stake, I think they'll sign on to
this troop surge thing. Because the Democrats won with money from the
same corporations that have paid for Republicans for decades.

gotta go!

GWB

Posted by President George W Bush at 12:48 PM 0 comments

Monday, January 8, 2007
Hello America!

Hello My Fellow Americans.

My buddy Karl Rove said that with all the stress that being a
presidenit can do to a fella, that I should put together one of them
blog things on one of the internets. I could like mull stuff over in
print. I'm not a good typer so typing for me is kinda slow, and given
how much work I gotta do - being a president is really hard work! And
not really liking readin' too much, I figured I'd just type what I can
so as to make myself feel better and so as to make people out there
know what its like to be a president and stuff. Because I know a lot of
people like readin' and so they might find it inneresting to see how a
president like me likes t othink, and stuff.

Some people have asked me to clarify some of the things I'm tryin' to
do as president and I think this could be a better forum for that than
ya know, talkin at Tony Snow about stuff so's he can tell everyone
what's going on. This could be, you know, more direct. More
pres-i-dential.

As I get better at this computer thing, I'll get more interesting posts
together, too. I've been told I can even put links to video and stuff
on my blog. I think that's pretty cool.

Now, I gotta go and do some deciding.

God Bless America.

Pres. George W. Bush